underneath my bracelets, is my secret
by I'mNotPerfectAreYou
Summary: Riker lynch seems to be the most happiness person but under his bracelets he has a secret that is hidden from his family, friends and the whole world. will he be saved before its too late? who will save him? what is his secret? has strong emotional topics, please read @copyright pending


A/N: yay new one shot who is excited I am, so this story has really emotional topics talked about, I don't relate to most of this but I do relate to the pressure of trying to be perfect but I've learned nothing or anyone is perfect. I hope this one shot touches your guy's heart. Side note: this is fiction, so the things I write about riker aren't 100% true.

Most people in the world know this "it" band of the generation, it consist of 3 brothers, one sister and on best friend. There is a keyboard player, lead guitarist, rhythm guitarist/lead singer, a drummer and a bass guitarist.

Their names are Rydel, Rocky, Ross, Riker lynch and Ratliff also known as Ellington Lee Ratliff. Has you've noticed all their names start with an R and that my friends is why they are called R5. You might know Ross best for being on Austin& Ally and Riker lynch from Glee.

But there is one big secret that has been hidden from the whole world, family and friends. This secret belongs to a tall man, with blonde hair, is the oldest in the band, sometimes wears glasses and ALWAYS wears his bracelets.

You might know who I am talking about but if you don't, this man's name is Riker Anthony Lynch. He seems to be the happiness person alive, always smiling, jumping around with joy, lights up the whole room when he walks in, he has a skip in his walk and when you see that smile everything seems okay.

But as they say "it's amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile".

(Riker's Prov)

We were just in the middle of band practice, I was jamming out pretty hard, as I began to sing my line in "Here Comes Forever" I became lightheaded, everything in the room began to spin, I gripped my guitar in my hands with all my might that my knuckles began to turn white.

I slowly began to breathe heavier before I could speak, everything turned black and I could feel my body fall slowly but hard to the cold floor. All I heard before everything became quiet is the silent whisper "Riker is falling" coming from Rydels mouth.

(Rydel's Prov)

I was jamming out on my keyboard, but I stopped slowly when I noticed Riker hasn't sung his line in the song, I looked up to see him fall to the floor in slow motion has if this was a movie in slow mode with no sound but then everything came back and I could hear Rikers body crash to the hard, cold floor I quickly yelled "riker is falling".

Everyone stopped what their were doing and we all ran to Riker, "Rocky go get mom and dad!" Ross come help me get Rikers body on the chair over there" I said with a shaky voice.

"His body feels like bones, has Riker lost weight?" Ross asked me, "I don't know to be honest, I've noticed at meal times he hasn't been eating a lot, when he wakes we can ask him" I said." Oh my god, my poor baby" Are mom Stormie said as she rushed over to Riker. What happened?" she asked.

"I don't know he was jamming out, and then all of a sudden he fell to the floor" I said to my mom. "Okay well let's get him into his room and try to wake him up, because as of right know he has a pulse it's just not strong" my mom said has Mark are dad picked up Riker off the chair and took him up to his room.

My mom wetted a cloth with alcohol and waved it back and forth by Rikers nose. After about seemed to be a live time, he lightly let his eyes shudder open.

"Oh my god I'm so happy, you're okay big bro" I said as I crushed my body against his and freely let tears stream down my rosy cheeks.

As I pulled away, Riker said "It's okay delly please don't cry, I'm doing just fine".

"Oh honey thank god you're okay" Stormie said to Riker as she kissed his cheek and gave him a hug. Everyone just gave Riker a hug." Do you know why you passed out?" I asked Riker."Umm no not at all, I was just jamming out and I felt everything go black and I fell to the ground" Riker said as he rubbed his head.

"Okay well, we will let you rest" our mom said as she left the room along with everyone else but I lingered until the door closed.

"So Riker…me and umm Ross noticed when we picked you up off the ground that your body felt like bones, I also noticed at meal times you haven't been a lot like you used to. Is everything okay?" I asked him with pain in my eyes.

"Yeah Delly everything is fine, I just haven't had a big urge to eat as much as I used to, don't worry im healthy as a horse" Riker said with a smile, something in the pit of my stomach told me he was lying but I just ignored it and gave him another hug before I left the room and went downstairs to watch TV with the rest of the family.

(Riker's Prov)

As soon as I heard the door to my room shut with a thud, I got up slowly got up and locked it. I then walked to my bathroom, I took off my shirt and examined myself in the mirror, a smile creped upon my face when I seen my bones sticking out, I looked skinny then I have ever been.

There is a reason I don't eat as much and some days when I do eat a lot I will go to the bathroom and throw up everything that was once in my stomach.

Yes, I have developed an eating disorder within the last 4 months, you might be wondering why and here is your answer…

The pressure of being perfect as gotten to me, and no I don't sound like a girl when I say that because both girls and boys go through this.

But I have even bigger secret that is hidden underneath my bracelets.

I once again look at myself in the demon of a mirror and one by one take off my bracelets, I lightly brush my fingertips against the smooth scars left behind from a sharp razor. I searched through my secret closet and pulled out the cold mental tool.

I gripped it strongly in my hands, pressed it against my pale skin and made 6 straight lines, as each one began to draw blood my smile got bigger.

For some reason every time I see my dark, bright blood ooze from underneath my skin, it made me able to breathe better as if all the stress has left, even if it's just for a minute it made everything else in my life 100x better and bearable.

I quickly wiped the blood and throw my bracelets back on, I walked back to my bed and fell asleep happily for once.

*the next day* (Rikers Prov)

I woke up to the sun coming through my curtains, I sat up yawned and went to the bathroom to take a shower. The water hitting against my fresh cuts made me wince in pain but it was a bearable, enjoyable pain.

Once I was done with my shower I went on my laptop and checked my twitter timeline, as I looked tears began to form in my eyes, there were a million of tweets with a link to a website that said I was gay, too skinny and I was a bad singer.

Some people even sent me tweets saying "go kill yourself", "your worthless piece of shit", "no one cares about you, just go die".

Tears bleared my vision, I began to get angry and my body rose with warmth as the anger just began to build up more and more.

I flipped my laptop to the floor the screen shattered within a million of pieces just like my heart. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried to myself and thoughts raced through my mind.

I finally decided tonight was going to be the night I gave everyone want they wanted, I got up got a piece of paper, a blue pen and angrily wrote my letter of secrets.

I went through the rest of the day as nothing ever happened, then it was time for are final concert in LA for the Loud tour.

When we got to the last song I made one final check to see that my blade was in my pocket. When I sang the very last lyric, I put my bass down and walked to the front with Ross's mic stand. Everyone around me gave me funny looks.

"What are you doing?" Rydel asked me, "I'm giving people what they all want" I said with a smirk on my face."So I don't know if you guys know but, lately ive been getting hate on twitter, facebook etc, at first I didn't let it get to me but one day it took over my whole life.

I cry myself myself to sleep, I hate my body and hate everything about myself. Every smile I show every day is a fake one, when I say I am fine it's really a lie, I got comments on my weight so I began to starve myself.

Im sorry I had to do this in front of guys but I had to do this where I was most happy and the reason why I got to this point. Earlier today I was told to kill myself, so for once im doing what you guys want. Before anyone could stop I quickly took my blade out and made 5 very deep cuts, blood began to go everywhere.

The coward was yelling, crying and running in circles and security guards were trying to get everyone out. Rocky then tackled me to the ground and threw the blade on the floor but It was too late already, my breathing was beginning to slow down rapidly,

I was becoming weaker by the second, my skin turned white and the background was beginning to get quieter.

My whole family ran to my side in tears asking me the question I could never answer myself, Why?

As I took my last breaths I could feel my heart become happier, I was finally at ease and there was no weight of stress on my shoulders.

The last thing I heard was "how could you do this to me, I am your little sister?" Rydel said as her voice cracked. Finally everything went black, my eyes rolled back and my head fell in a jerky motion to the right then my cold hand lightly feel from my mother's warm grip.

*one month later*

Its been a month since Riker killed himself on stage, we later on found his blades and the letter he left behind called "secrets", in the letter it said…..

Dear everyone,

Im so sorry I did this to all of you but the pressure to be perfect got to me, it took over my body with all its might. I know I could gotten help but how can you fix someone who has been broken for a very long time. Its like when you brake a plate, you can glue it but it would never be the same again, I can never be the same Riker as everyone knows me. I let down everyone as a brother, son, friend, singer and lover, im sorry I couldn't be stronger. I have decided to kill myself at are final loud tour concert because I wanted to die in a happy place and being on stage is what I loved to do, it was the only reason for my smile. Ive cutting for about half a year now, my secret was well hidden by long sleeve shirts and my bracelets, I have also been struggling with an eating disorder for 4 months now, the comments, the mags, the pressure, the pain, the tweets just all consume my heart and soul. As each day went by my heart got smaller, physically I was alive but mentally I was destroyed by my own thoughts and I was dead, I was living but not breathing. Please don't cry over me it wasn't you that drove me to this point It was society, im in a better and happier place now. The fight is now over I lost

Ps. I love you all Mom, dad, rydel, rocky, ross, Ryland, the A&A cast, the Glee cast and the R5 family please don't ever forget me because I won't forget none of you, you will all forever be in my solid heart now

Love, Riker A. Lynch

We were all taken over by the sadness of riker but Rydel took it the most hard that 2 months later we found her dead in her bathroom floor, she overdosed on 21 pills, and she drank 21 pills because that was how old Riker was when he died.

Eventually R5 quit for good, Ross got too depressed that A&A was never shot again so the show ended, Stormie and Mark were sad that they didn't even act as parents anymore, so I Rocky lynch was in charge to take care of the whole family. Society killed my brother but my brother killed us all, were breathing but not living, I now wonder we when we will lose this mental battle and just die…..

*End of dream* (Rikers Prov)

I woke up in a puddle of my own sweat, I began to touch my body, I was alive...it was just a dream, dry tears where stained against my cheeks and I was shaking.

I ran down the stairs to see my whole family awake watching tv," what's wrong honey?" my mom asked me."There is something I need to tell you" I said. My mom turned off the tv and said "What?" I then said "underneath my bracelets is my secret".

Riker eventually went to rehab for his problems, everyone was shocked but supportive, the whole R5 family, friends, Glee cast and A&A cast were there for Riker there is long journey of recovery. About 5 months later things went back to normal but things will never be the same. Riker did a bunch of interviews, he is even writing a book about his past struggles and the struggles he still fights every day.

By the help of his family riker was once again riker, he won the fight, who saved him? I guess you can say god right?

A/N HOPE U ENJOYED [PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME HATE ILY ALL BTW I HAVE A YOUTUBE VIDEO CALLED THANK YOU 105 PLEASE CHECK IT OUT ITS ABOUT ME THANKING ALL OF MY READERS AND I RELEASE THE TITLE TO I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN EVER LOVE MYSELF SEQUEL.


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